One of The Washington Post's "Notable Works of Nonfiction in 2020"

"If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset—and this book does it with science and humor."
-Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take

“You’re Not Listening is an essential book for our times. How well we listen determines how we love, learn, and connect with one another, and in this moment when we need to hear and be heard more than ever, this thought-provoking and engaging book shows us how.”
-Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

"I was instantly hooked by Kate Murphy's simple but profound argument—that although listening is the foundation of communication, innovation, growth, and love, few of us really know how to do it properly, or where to even start. You're Not Listening is a captivating and enlightening book that provides readers with a road map on how to listen and why it is so important to how we connect, work, and live."
-Kim Scott, New York Times bestselling author of Radical Candor

"This lively book makes an impassioned plea for listening—an instructive and thought-provoking book that will help readers think about the way they frame questions and responses to forge intimacy."
-Financial Times

"Fiercely topical...You're Not Listening is an intriguing and constructive take on the problem...and a manual for better communication. Murphy’s book is intelligent and thought-provoking…. Listening is when someone take a real interest in who you are…a moment of attunement and understanding that sticks in both heads. We could all do with some of that."
-The Times (London)

"It’s time for a spot of re-education.... A fascinating guide to something we assume we do automatically, yet for the most part do very badly.... The art of listening is really the art of being human."
-The Guardian

"In an age when technology has made it easier than ever before to talk with each other, we’ve paradoxically become worse at listening. Fortunately, we have Kate Murphy to teach us how to reclaim this crucial skill. This book changed the way I think about communicating with the people who matter to me."
-Cal Newport, New York Times bestselling author of Deep Work and Digital Minimalism

"With concrete advice and a wealth of guidelines, readers will come away with tips for a better approach, one that can be exceptionally useful, whether in the boardroom or at home. In an era dominated by incessant broadcasting and attention-seeking behavior on social media, listening offers both a salve and a solution."
-Booklist

"From communication researchers to general audiences, this informative and well-documented book will prod readers to reexamine the way they listen to others, individually and collectively, and to consider the many negative repercussions of not doing so."
-Library Journal

"The premise of this book couldn't be more timely... inspiringly profound… Smart and playful... It feels like a reiteration of something essential... Murphy is here to remind us – entertainingly and compellingly – exactly why it matters so much, especially right now. Hear, hear."
-The Observer

"Kate Murphy…has pinpointed an uneasy truth in her new book: we may be great at leading the conversations, but perhaps not so much being on the receiving end of them.”
-Independent.ie

★ 07/01/2020

Murphy offers real-life examples with informative, entertaining, and practical accounts of successful and unsuccessful listening behaviors while educating about exactly what listening means, why genuine listening is important, and ways people can successfully become excellent listeners who stand out from the crowd. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Read by the author, Murphy's smooth and passionate reading is a joy to hear. While there is no thought repetition between disks, it is unnecessary as the information flows smoothly between disk changes and listening breaks. Murphy's apparent passion for her subject enthralls. VERDICT This title is well suited to a wide variety of audiences from communications majors and faculty to career salespeople, business owners, managers, politicians, educators, and parents—basically, anyone dependent upon communicating with other people.—Laurie Selwyn, formerly with Grayson Cty. Law Lib., Sherman, TX

This audiobook, written and narrated by journalist Kate Murphy, encourages listeners to, well, listen. Though we now live in a world in which technology keeps us constantly connected, people are feeling more isolated and more depressed than ever. How can that be? It’s because nobody is actually listening to anyone else, says Murphy. She elaborates by exploring the psychology, neuroscience, biology, and sociology of effective listening—and by examining how humanity strayed from what made us good listeners in the first place. Narrating her own work, Murphy is certainly worthy of the listener’s attention. She offers a sincere, passionate voice that is capable of delivering some hard truths about the current state of things while also showing the way toward a truly connected society. A.T.N. © AudioFile 2020, Portland, Maine

2019-11-19
A lively debut that asserts the power of closing our mouths and opening our ears.

Houston-based journalist Murphy delves into the academic research on listening, which tends to be scantier than that on its noisier cousin, talking, and chronicles her interviews with those whose work revolves around hearing and paying attention, including a priest, a bartender, and a CIA agent. The author suggests that what might seem at first to be a passive activity is in fact an active, demanding one and a skill that can be learned with practice. At the basis of listening, Murphy maintains, is a sharp curiosity and the kind of openness that indicates the hearer has something to learn from the speaker. The author recommends thinking of active listening as a form of meditation. During a conversation, "you make yourself aware of and acknowledge distractions, then return to focus. But instead of focusing on your breathing or an image, you return your attention to the speaker." She points out that one of the primary obstacles to listening is the assumption that we know what someone is going to say, which means, unfortunately, that we're least likely to pay attention to the people closest to us, including spouses, children, and friends. In a chapter that is particularly helpful and relevant in our increasingly polarized world, Murphy offers suggestions on "Listening to Opposing Views," including recognizing the rather remarkable fact that when people with "staunch political views" are challenged on them, "their brains reacted as if they were being chased by a bear." On a practical level, the author also recognizes that it's not necessary to "listen to everyone until they run out of breath." While the narrative runs out of steam toward the end, repeating points that have already been made, it offers enough valuable advice and concrete suggestions to make it worth reading, even for those who already think they know how to listen.

A valuable corrective for a talkative culture.