Read an Excerpt
Practice Seven Remember: Honor Your Beloved And Memories Creatively Memorializing Your Loved One
“Time cannot steal the treasure that we carry in our hearts, nor ever dim the shining thought our cherished past imparts, for memories of the one we love still cast a gentle glow to grace our days and light our paths wherever we may go.”
—Author Unknown
Adjusting to the sudden death of the person you love does not mean burying memories, pretending he or she never lived, or getting rid of all personal belongings and tangible reminders. Instead, you adapt to your changed circumstances by using ongoing remembrance, commemoration, and rituals to feel the steadfast love and enduring spirit of your beloved.
Remembrance supports healing through healthy grieving, maintains a continuing bond with your loved one, and allows you to appreciate the legacy of your beloved. Mourning the person’s absence invites his or her presence to continue to exist.
Later in this chapter I will give you specific ideas for remembrance, memorialization, and rituals to commemorate your beloved in the years ahead and throughout your life, but first let’s explore the significant benefits of using ongoing remembrance.
First, remembrance is a pathway to healing.
Healing requires remembering. Recollection is a normal, sacred part of grieving. When you define and use this essential practice, it opens your broken heart to healing. Your open heart holds an everlasting, faithful place for your beloved. It’s here, where you maintain your relationship, not sever it, to provide comfort. It’s here where you reminisce about your beloved, and not forget, to sustain you. It’s here where you continue the bond of love, rather than relinquishing it, to empower you.
Second, remembrance is a permanent corridor to love.
Loving requires remembering. When someone dies, you still love the person who has been an important part of your life. Your love doesn’t die. Your grief is an expression of your remarkable love. Recalling your cherished one gives you the means to express this love. Invoking his or her presence in your day-to-day life through recollection allows that love to grow stronger, rather than diminish. When you have the courage to remember, rather than forget, you embody love.
Third, remembrance is a passageway to befriending and healing grief.
Grieving requires embracing pain. When you mourn through remembrance activities, you are turning towards your grief, rather than away from it. To mourn, and ultimately integrate loss into your life, you need to allow, experience, and express your grief. As you have learned throughout this book, sorrow asks you to say hello to your pain before you can say goodbye; go backward, before you go forward; and descend before you transcend. When you embrace your sorrow through remembrance, you support your natural, organic ability to mourn in order to be touched and changed by the mysterious power of grief.
Lastly, ongoing remembrance is a positive pathway to living.
Living requires remembering. When you find ways to respect and celebrate the person you miss through memorialization, tributes, and personally meaningful approaches, you are making life-sustaining choices. You are affirming your ability to heal and live with greater fulfillment and aliveness. When you are aware of absence, you are aware of life. Remembrance facilitates living.
At times, remembering will hurt and that’s part of healing after sudden loss. Your natural inclination may be to run from your sorrow and anything related to your loved one. Don’t hide or destroy your memories because it is painful now. You’ll revel in your precious memories in the future and throughout your lifetime. The past travels with you and makes you who you are today.
When you use a conscious, healthy process to honor your dear one in daily life, you’ll hold onto the love, spirit, and essence of the person. By remembering your beloved in daily life, love continues to exist. As you remember, you’ll never forget. And isn’t that we all want?
How will ongoing remembrance benefit you?
