Table of Contents
Introduction ix
Part I Foundations and Guidelines 1
What We Now Know About Female Intimate Partner Violence: Special Issues 3
Clinical and Group Guidelines 10
Rules of Engagement 15
Stages of Change and Motivational Interviewing 19
The Context of Competence 24
Pacing and Leading 26
Part II Program Information 29
Program Notes 31
Provisional Status Policy (Group Leaders' Version) 35
Weekly Check-In 37
Gut Check Questionnaire 39
Evaluation Form 40
Treatment Expectations 42
Part III Orientation Materials 45
Welcome! 47
The STOP Program For Women Q&A 48
Typical Questions and Concerns 51
Provisional Status Policy (Group Members' Version) 52
The 15 Commandments of the STOP program for Women 53
Gratitude Statements: Hunting the Good Staff! 54
Feelings Count 55
Part IV Weekly Sessions
Anger/Abuse/Knowing Yourself 57
Session 1 Red Flags of Anger, Part 1 59
Female Aggression Wheel 60
Red Flags of Anger 61
Session 2 Red Flags of Anger, Part 2 63
The Cycle of Abuse 65
The Four-Square Technique 66
Session 3 What's Your Anger Style? 68
Anger Styles Quiz 69
What's Tour Anger Style? 70
Healthy Anger/Destructive Anger 72
Session 4.1 Really Didn't Mean To Do It. …I Was Drunk! 75
I Really Didn't Mean to Do It. …I Was Drunk! 76
Why Do I Use? 77
Session 5 Accountability and Responsibility 79
Accountability Defenses 81
Accountability Statement 82
Session 6 Shame 85
Put-Downs From Parents 87
Forgiving the Self 88
Session 7 The Prevention Plan 90
The Prevention Plan 92
Communication and Healthy Relationships 97
Session 8 Empowerment, Assertiveness, and Boundaries 99
Assertiveness 101
What Is Assertive Behavior? 102
When Couples Don't Respect Boundaries 103
Session 9 Asking for Change 105
Respectful Feedback 106
Asking for Change 107
The Stories We Tell Ourselves! 109
Session 10 Empathy and Active Listening 113
Active Listening 114
Communication Roadblocks 116
Session 11 Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 118
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 120
Conflict With Respect 121
Session 12 Equality, Roles, and Decision Making 124
Who Decides? 125
Rules and Roles: Spoken and Unspoken 126
Session 13 Hurting the Ones You Love 129
Emotional Abuse and Mind Games 131
Relationship Respect Contract 133
Session 14 Apologies 135
The Art of Apologies 136
Classic Apology Mistakes 137
Session 15 Husbands and Boyfriends Group 139
Why Men Keep Their Mouths Shut About IPV 141
Session 16 What's Up With Sex? 143
Sexual Put-Downs and Mind Games 144
About Sex 145
Session 17 Women Who Love Dangerous Men 148
How to Spot a Dangerous Man 150
Dangerous Relationships: Five Factors That Increase Intensity 151
Personal Stories and Personal Changes 155
Session 18 Switch! 157
Switch! 159
Session 19 House of Self-Worth and Empowerment 162
House of Self-Worth and Empowerment 164
Session 20 Self-Talk and Personal Stories 166
Bad Rap 168
Bad Rap Quiz 169
More Stories We Tell Ourselves 170
Session 21 Mindfulness and Gratitudes 172
Mindfulness in Everyday Life 173
Sumanai! 175
Session 22 Jealousy and Misinterpretations 178
Jealousy: Taming the Green-Eyed Monster 180
Stories of Jealousy: I Knew I Was Right 182
Session 23 Making Changes and Social Support 185
Girlfriends and Social Support 186
Kids and Family Issues 189
Session 24 Family of Origin and Grief 191
Grief and Loss 192
The Grief and Healing Letter 194
Session 25 Parents and Stepparents 198
Ten Steps Toward Successful Stepparenting 199
Spanking? Seven Reasons Not to Spank Tour Child 200
The Right Move 202
Session 26 Kids Who Witness 205
Questions for Kids 207
Part V Extra Sessions
New Member Session 1: House of Abuse 211
House of Abuse 214
New Member Session 2: Time-Out 215
Time-Out 217
Time-Out Information for Partners 219
When Tour Partner Blocks Tour Path 220
Exit Session: Most Violent and/or Most Disturbing Incident 222
References 225
Index 229
