Table of Contents
Introduction 1
A special note to friends and family members 4
Part 1 The journey we call grief 7
Grief versus mourning 8
What is healing in grief? 9
Death and other losses 9
Grief is not a disease 10
Symptoms of normal grief 11
Shock, numbness, denial, and disbelief 11
Intentionally numbing yourself to the pain 12
Disorganization, confusion, searching, and yearning 14
Anxiety, panic, and fear 14
Explosive emotions 15
Guilt and regret 16
Survivor guilt 17
Relief-guilt 17
Joy-guilt 17
Magical thinking and guilt 17
Longstanding personality factors and guilt 17
Sadness and depression 18
Clean pain versus dirty pain 20
Part 2 The sadness of grief 21
The dark night of the soul 22
The necessity of stillness 23
Liminal space 24
Sadness and empathy 25
Your divine spark 25
Honoring your pain 26
Dosing your pain 28
Making grief your friend 28
Part 3 Grief depression or clinical depression? 31
What is clinical depression? 32
Grief or clinical depression? 35
Grief and clinical depression at the same time? 36
Grief and the DSM-5 37
Types of clinical depression 38
Suicide and depression 41
Warning signs of suicide 42
Good grief or complicated grief? 41
An unnatural or untimely death 43
Your personality 43
Your relationship with the person who died 43
An inability to express your grief 43
Use of drugs or alcohol 44
Absent or delayed grief 44
Distorted grief 45
Converted grief 45
Chronic grief 46
How to know if you are clinically depressed or experiencing complicated grief 47
What to do about depression 48
Part 4 Mourning as "treatment" 49
The six needs of mourning 50
Mourning Need 1 Accept the reality of the death 51
Mourning Need 2 Let yourself feel the pain of the loss 53
Mourning Need 3 Remember the person who died 55
Mourning Need 4 Develop a new self-identity 57
Mourning Need 5 Search for meaning 59
Mourning Need 6 Let others help you-now and always 62
What happens when you don't mourn 63
Symptoms of carried grief 65
Difficulties with trust and intimacy 65
Depression and negative outlook 66
Anxiety and panic attacks 66
Psychic numbing and disconnection 67
Irritability and agitation 68
Substance abuse, addictions, eating disorders 68
Physical problems, real or imagined 69
Carried grief self-inventory 70
The power of telling your story 74
Part 5 Medical therapies as treatment 77
Types of biomedical treatment 79
Antidepressants 79
Psychotherapy/counseling 82
Research-supported psychotherapies 82
Grief companioning-a form of client-centered talk therapy 84
Combined treatment-antidepressants and talk therapy 86
Finding a good counselor 87
If your counselor recommends hospitalization 90
Part 6 Believe in your capacity heal 91
Setting your intention to heal 91
Reconciling your grief 93
No reward for speed 94
Caring for yourself as you heal 94
The physical realm 96
The cognitive realm 99
The emotional realm 101
The social realm 103
The spiritual realm 106
How reconciliation feels 109
Closure: a misnomer 112
The transformative nature of grief 114
Hope for your healing 116
Glossary of Terms 118
