Table of Contents
Prologue: "We Did Everything We Could" xiii
Fall
1 Unnatural 3
2 Obituary: He Ran His Short Race Well 7
3 In the Deepest Darkness 11
4 Good Night, Till Then 15
5 From Grave to Glory 19
6 Asleep in Jesus 23
7 God Is Good All the Time 27
8 Only Ever an Onlooker 31
9 My Manifesto 36
10 Singing in the Dark 38
11 I Fear God and I'm Afraid of God 42
Winter
12 Turning to Face the Sun 49
13 Help My Unbelief! 53
14 What Do You Do with Grief? 57
15 Crying Eyes and Smiling Hearts 61
16 The Prayer I Couldn't Pray 64
17 Stewarding Sorrow 69
18 Thy Will Be Done 73
19 To My Son on His Twenty-First Birthday 78
20 Homesick 83
21 Flowers in the Desert 86
Spring
22 Not a Moment Too Early 93
23 How Long Is the Dash? 96
24 An Empty Room 101
25 How Many Children Do I Have? 106
26 The Cause of Death 110
27 The Trumpet Shall Sound 115
28 Follow in My Footsteps 119
29 The Sacred Circle 123
30 Angels Unaware 130
31 On the Other Side of the Wall 137
Summer
32 Courage, Dear Heart 143
33 The Ministry of Sorrow 148
34 God, Give Me Sons 154
35 In Green Pastures 157
36 My Most Precious Possession 161
37 Nothing He Needs 165
38 I Miss My Son Today 170
39 Death Did Him No Harm 173
40 It's Time to Rise! 178
41 Footprints on the Sands of Time 181
42 Well Done, Good and Faithful Dad 187
Epilogue: The Final First 192
Author Note 197
Acknowledgments 198
Notes 200
