"Kaya Oakes challenges those slippery, PR-constructed apologies that leave us rolling our eyes. But she does more than that. Throughout Not So Sorry, Kaya Oakes listens to the voices of victims, allows us to wrestle with our assumptions, and leads us on a path to restore justice." —Rev. Carol Howard, author of Healing Spiritual Wounds: Reconnecting with a Loving God after Experiencing a Hurtful Church, and pastor of Bedford Presbyterian Church

"In Not So Sorry, Kaya Oakes presents a thoughtful meditation on one of Jesus's most challenging commandments: that we forgive those who have wronged us. With compassion, curiosity, and conviction, Oakes invites us to consider the implications of forgiveness in a fraught age." —Michael J. O'Loughlin, author of Hidden Mercy: AIDS, Catholics, and the Untold Stories of Compassion in the Face of Fear

"Kaya Oakes has long been one of my favorite writers on the religion beat, but I can testify that no work of hers has challenged me like Not So Sorry. When you believe, as I do, that the genius of Christianity is its offer of mercy to even the worst of sinners, it is bracing, and difficult, to be reminded of the limits of forgiveness and the perils of cheap grace. In an age when abuse has been exposed as rampant, and accountability is so rare, Oakes's call to rethink forgiveness by centering survivors and reminding us of all the ways the powerful use and abuse the language of faith is essential reading." —Matthew Sitman, host of the Know Your Enemy podcast