Table of Contents
Introduction xi
Part 1 The Basic Communication Tools
Chapter 1 Dealing with Feelings-Why Can't They Just Be Happy? 3
Chapter 2 Cooperative Kids-The Impossible Dream? Why can't they just DO what we tell them to DO? 28
Chapter 2 1/2 None of This Is Working!-The Problem with Chapter Two 48
Chapter 3 The Problem with Punishment-And What to Do Instead 62
Chapter 4 Praise and Its Pitfalls-Why Do They Act So Bad When We Tell Them They're Good? 84
Part 2 Trouble in Paradise
In which we tackle tough topics requested by readers and workshop participants, and share their stories.
Section I Getting through the Day
1 Enough Already!-When Kids Are Completely Unreasonable 101
Taping Your Phone Calls 111
Outfit Impasse-Mini Shirt Saves the Day 112
2 How to Listen When Kids Won't Talk-"How Was Your Day?" Good. "What'd You Do?" Nothing. 113
Are We There Yet? Crisis in the Car 120
"Lost" Car 122
3 Homework Hassles-Is My Kid the Only One Weeping over the Worksheet? 123
Second Grade Is Too Hard! 135
4 All Wound Up and They Won't Calm Down 136
Let the Sun Shine-Cure for a Rainy Day 144
Daddy Gets Schooled-Tot Teaches Pop Problem-Solving 144
Section II Unnecessary Roughness
5 HELP! My Kids Are Fighting!-Peacekeeping on the Home Front 145
KFC versus McDonald's 163
6 HELP! My Kid Is Hitting Me!-The Art of Self-Defense Against Small Combatants 164
Unchained 169
7 Animal Etiquette-Kids and Creatures 171
Section III Anxiety, Fears, and Meltdowns
8 Fears-Dinosaurs, Spiders, and Ants … Oh My! 183
9 Temper Tantrum Hotline 192
Baby Feelings 199
Mommy Do It! 201
10 Separation Sadness 202
Section IV Bad Attitudes-Complaining, Whining, Defiance, and Other Unsociable Behaviors
11 Whining-The Sound that Drives You Insane 207
Spilled Milk: A Before and After Tale 218
Alienation of Affection 219
12 Sore Losers-The Competition Conundrum 220
The Locker Solution 229
13 Name-Calling and "Bad" Language 230
Shoe Squabble 238
Section V Conflict Resolution
14 Sharing-Mine, All Mine! 239
15 That Is NOT a Toy-When Kids Want to "Share" Your Stuff 254
Muddy Footprints in Eastern Europe 259
The Haircut 261
16 The Digital Dilemma (Part 1)-Managing Screen Time with Younger Children 262
17 The Digital Dilemma (Part 2)-Screens and Older Children 270
18 Does Punishment Prepare Kids for "Real Life"? 279
Gatekeepers 290
Section VI Bedtime & Bathroom Battles
19 Toothbrushing-The Most Terrible Torture 291
Flood Evacuation-A Bath Time Tale from India 298
Three Special Steps-A Bedtime Battle 299
Hungry Hairbrush in Slovenia 300
20 Potty Power Struggles 301
Potato Head Needs to Pee 306
Playing Your Cards Right-Four-Minute Bedtime Routine 307
Section VII Touchy Topics
21 Divorce-Helping Children Cope with Change and Loss 309
22 Protecting Kids from Problematic People 318
23 Sex-It's Only a Three-Letter Word 328
24 Too Much Hugging-When Affection Is Nonconsensual 340
Section VIII Troubleshooting
25 The Trouble with YOU! 345
26 The Trouble with BUT 349
27 The Trouble with "Say You're Sorry" 353
The Old Way 367
Final Words-Until We Meet Again 369
Reminder Index 371
Acknowledgments 374
Endnotes 375
Index 379