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CHAPTER 1

Our Reference Point

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem ...
MATTHEW 23:37

The teenager was unmarried and pregnant. She had experienced incredible emotional highs and lows during the last several days. As she stood at the front door of an older woman relative, she wondered what her reaction would be. She knew what rejection felt like. She remembered her fiancé's reaction and the events which caused him to change his mind. Would her friend reject her?

We don't know what emotions were swirling inside Mary as she raised her hand to knock on the door. But we do know that less than five minutes inside that door, she experienced a joy and confidence unexpected in one so young. Only a few moments in Elizabeth's presence and Mary burst into a magnificent song of praise to God, recorded for us in Luke 1:46–55.

What happened between these two women is the essence of spiritual mothering. When women do for other women what Elizabeth did for Mary, I believe we will see young women burst forth in lives of praise to God. And that is the goal of spiritual mothering.

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language gives the following definitions:

mother: a female that has borne an offspring. A female who has adopted a child or otherwise established a maternal relationship with another person.

mothering: to give birth to ... to create and care for; instigate and carry through. To watch over, nourish, and protect.

Based on this definition, my working definition for the spiritual mothering relationship is this:

When a woman possessing faith and spiritual maturity enters into a nurturing relationship with a younger woman in order to encourage and equip her to live for God's glory.

Please note that giving birth biologically or being of a certain chronological age are not prerequisites for spiritual mothering.

Our Model for This Relationship

Though powerful examples, Elizabeth and Mary are not the ultimate reference point for spiritual mothering. "In the beginning God created" is both a fact of history and a principle for life. God is the source of life and the model for living life. A proper approach to any situation or topic begins with God. To use God as the reference point for the topic of spiritual mothering is not an attempt to feminize God. It is simply an attempt to relate all of life to him.

God's relationship with his people forms the pinnacle for the spiritual mothering concept defined above. Nurturing his people through his Word and by his Spirit, the Triune God enters into a covenant relationship. He is both the source and the sustainer of physical and spiritual life. One Hebrew name of God, El Shaddai, provides a window for us to understand how he relates to his people.

The traditional translations of Scripture have consistently rendered this name "Almighty." But to appreciate its full flavor, it will be helpful to examine its Hebrew roots. El is a shortened form of Elohim. It sets forth the might, the strength, and the excellence of God. Shad is the Hebrew word for breast. Shaddai pictures God's fullness or bounty, his tenderness, his generosity, his desire to nurture us and make us fruitful. In one name, God's attributes of might and tenderness are brought together!

Another dimension of this nurturing relationship is described by the prophet Isaiah:

Can a woman forget her nursing child,
In this passage, God encourages believers not to lose hope in the midst of difficulties and gives us a message of comfort. John Calvin noted the Lord used the comparison to a mother's love to convey his anxiety about his people, a love "so strong and ardent, as to leave far behind it a father's love." He goes further in declaring he would never forget his children for his love "is far stronger and warmer than the love of all mothers." Calvin concludes with this: "In a word, the Prophet here describes to us the inconceivable carefulness with which God unceasingly watches over our salvation, that we may be fully convinced that he will never forsake us, though we may be afflicted with great and numerous calamities."

Through the prophet Isaiah, the Lord again used the mother metaphor:

Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad for her,
This passage is a discourse on true and false worship. It is designed to warn and fortify true worshipers for the grief they will endure from the hypocritical worshipers. Though the immediate context is to the Jews upon their return from captivity, the prophecy also looked ahead to the establishment of the gospel church and the terror God would bring upon the enemies of that church. In order to assure the true worshippers of his deep affection and protection, the Lord compares himself and the church to a mother. The person who experiences this motherly affection and protection rejoices and flourishes.

And then in the New Testament we have the piercing pathos of the words of Jesus as he looked over Jerusalem:

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! (Matt. 23:37)

Jesus unabashedly displays his compassion and tenderness for those who had rejected him. He uses the illustration of a hen to explain his intense desire to protect them. Whenever danger approaches, a mother hen quickly gathers her chicks under her wings and sits on them. Even if the impending danger threatens her life, her chicks will be protected. The respected preacher John MacArthur, in writing about this passage, said: "The Lord's illustration depicts his great tenderness. He didn't speak to Israel merely in theological terms; he spoke to the people in a personal, intimate way. He wanted to give them security."

Our Capacity for Mothering

The name El Shaddai and Scripture surely give value to mothering, but they also imply a capacity for mothering that has been given to women. Biological birthing is not the activator of this capacity; women who have never given physical birth still have this mothering capacity and can exhibit mothering characteristics.

The development of this mothering capacity is affected by instinct and learning but is hindered by sin. When the Holy Spirit produces faith in a woman, she becomes a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). A dramatic result of her newness is her even greater potential for the development of this female capacity. The Christian woman not only has a new Pattern, she has a new Power.

As a woman's growing desire to imitate God produces obedience to his Word, she develops mothering characteristics. Our femaleness gives us the capacity for mothering; our faith produces certain characteristics of mothering. Some characteristics we see from the Scriptures are strength, excellence, tenderness, generosity, desire to nurture, comfort, compassion, affection, protection, and sacrifice. These characteristics are relational — they simply will not allow a person to be an isolationist. The possession of these characteristics creates an intense desire to nurture and to be nurtured. The results in the recipients are security and fruitfulness. They will flourish like grass.

Consider the relationship between Ruth and Naomi — an impressive illustration of spiritual mothering. In this Old Testament story, we see two women who had bonded! Naomi must have done something right to have elicited such commitment from her daughter-in-law.

When famine struck Israel, Naomi, her husband, and their two sons moved to Moab. The sons married Moabite women. After the deaths of her husband and sons, Naomi decided to return to Judah. She encouraged her daughters-in-law to return to their mother's homes; however, Ruth chose to remain with Naomi. At this juncture in the story, Naomi appears to be hopeless and bitter, yet Ruth insisted on following her. Why was Ruth so determined to follow a seemingly hopeless, bitter woman?

Apparently Ruth had seen the real Naomi. It was unacceptable for an Israelite to marry a Moabite, yet Ruth must have felt Naomi's acceptance. Ruth must have heard of Jehovah and seen the reality of him in the life of Naomi's family. Perhaps she observed the hope that sustained Naomi through the death of her husband and sons. This reality of Naomi's faith caused Ruth to tenaciously cling to her. When Ruth says, "Do not urge me to leave you ... Where you go I will go. ... Your people shall be my people, and your God my God," you feel her determination to be identified with the God of Israel (Ruth 1:16). The bond between them was their common commitment to Jehovah. These women had the same reference point.

They returned to Israel. Ruth worked in the fields. Naomi remained at home. Naomi was probably too old for the physical work, but each night she encouraged and equipped Ruth — a fundamental principle of spiritual mothering. Often younger women tell me that the older women in their church aren't willing to spiritually mother. I ask them to elaborate. "We've asked them to teach our Bible study so that we can learn from them and none of them are willing." My reply is, "You're asking for the wrong thing. You're asking them to go out into the fields rather than encourage and equip you to go." Ruth was willing to listen to Naomi's advice and to follow her instructions — she was teachable.

Ultimately Naomi's emptiness was changed to fullness. Ruth married Boaz and they had a son. When Ruth's baby was born, the Israelite women said to Naomi,

Blessed be the LORD, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him. (Ruth 4:14–15)

Indeed, this son did become famous throughout Israel. He was the grandfather of David, and Ruth's name appears in Matthew's genealogy of Jesus.

An older woman cultivated a nurturing relationship with a younger woman. The younger woman was willing to listen and to heed the advice, though sometimes it must have sounded strange. And the result was that these women are bound up in the very life of the Messiah.

In the spiritual mothering story at the beginning of this chapter, Julie Garland told of meeting Mrs. Johnson in a nursing home. As the two women talked, Mrs. Johnson expressed feelings of uselessness. She could not understand why she was still living. She saw no purpose or hope in her life. Then Julie asked questions about her faith, and simply rehearsing the goodness of the Lord in her life refreshed Mrs. Johnson.

Since Julie told me this story a year ago, I recently received an update. Julie and Mrs. Johnson have become close friends. Julie visits her once a week since Mrs. Johnson has no living family. She spent Thanksgiving with Julie and her husband. "I am expecting a baby in June," writes Julie. "Mrs. Johnson is encouraging me to be a godly mother. She never had children of her own and is very excited about the baby. On my last visit, Mrs. Johnson had some exciting news. The night before she led her roommate to the Lord! I talked with this new believer and she had a good understanding of the gospel, which is no surprise with Mrs. Johnson as her teacher."

Mrs. Johnson's words to Julie were these: "I believe this is the reason God has kept me alive this long!"

Mrs. Johnson will be eighty-five on her next birthday, and she is currently discipling her roommate and continuing to spiritually mother Julie.

Julie and her husband will graduate from Covenant Theological Seminary in May. Julie has received a wonderful education in the seminary classrooms, but I suspect she would agree with me that the lessons she has learned in Mrs. Johnson's room have been just as valuable.

A simple visit to a nursing home — something anyone can do. And yet the lives of two, and now three, women have been enriched.

Our Need for Mothering

Countless women today long to be nurtured. They want the love and acceptance of a mother or a mother-substitute. They want to feel the warmth and security of an older woman's approval. And countless women of faith throughout the world today are the embodiment of these and other virtues that equip them to nurture younger women. But they don't know how to do it.

The eighteenth century poet and historian, Matthew Arnold, said: "If ever the world sees a time when women shall come together purely and simply for the benefit and good of mankind, it will be a power such as the world has never seen." I agree. But the problem is that women will never come together purely and simply for the benefit and good of others because of the self-centeredness of our sin nature. The what's-in-it-for-me mentality forbids such selflessness. However, Christian women, because of the power of grace, can overcome their self-centeredness. Christian women can manifest the other-centered virtues that characterize spiritual mothering. In fact, I would restate Matthew Arnold in this way: If ever the world sees a time when Christian women shall come together purely and simply to encourage and equip other women to live for God's glory, it will be a power such as the world has never seen.

I am deeply impressed by the excellence of Christian women around the world whom I have had the privilege to meet and/or observe. These women believe God's Word is the only infallible rule for faith and practice, and they are committed to living out God's truth in the daily occurrences of their lives.

These women believe in and live by prayer. Their social consciences have been shaped by God's truth, and they are committed to making a difference for Jesus in this generation. They believe that the church is the bride of Christ and have committed themselves to serve him through their local fellowships.

These women stand in stark contrast to the image of womanhood that is being flaunted today. As I observe these women, I wonder if perhaps we are on the verge of seeing their power unleashed — the power of grace in the lives of godly women influencing families, churches, communities, our nation, and the world — influencing not with clenched fists, but with open arms.

I believe with all my heart that there is the potential for a revival of faith and virtue among women. If Christian women begin to fathom the power of our God-given capacity, develop these God-honoring characteristics, and nurture younger women, perhaps we will see the fruit of righteousness flourish in women in our decade.

We have clearly been given the model for spiritual mothering. The command is just as clear:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:3–5)

Jesus tells us that those who love him will keep his commandments. What he commands us to do, he enables us to do. Join me as we explore how women of faith are to obey this command.

A Spiritual Mothering Challenge

1. Begin with a season of prayer.

a. Read Matthew 23:37. If you have trusted the sacrificial death of Jesus in your place, praise him for your salvation. If you have not, I urge you to cast yourself on his mercy and trust in him alone for salvation.

b. Read Isaiah 49:14–16a. Thank God for the compassion he has shown to you and for the security of knowing that you are engraved on the palms of his hands.

c. Read Isaiah 66:10–14a. Thank God for his comfort. Pray that your heart will rejoice in him and that you will flourish spiritually.

d. Meditate on Colossians 1:16–18.

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Excerpted from "Spiritual Mothering"
by .
Copyright © 1992 Susan Hunt.
Excerpted by permission of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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