Table of Contents

Introduction: I May Hate Green Beans, but I Love Oreos 13

Part 1 Mirror, Mirror on the Wall 15

1 Why Is Charlie Brown's Teacher Talking to Me? 17

2 36 × 24 × 36 (Only If She's 5′3″) 28

3 Time Marches On All Over Your Face 32

4 Curl Up and Dye 38

5 Class of 1994 45

Part 2 She Works Hard for the Money 49

6 There I Was, Unable to Breathe, on Peter Pan 51

7 Shunning the Dallas Cowboys Organization 57

8 Questionable Deli Meat 63

9 Taking a Deep Breath 69

10 Livin' La Vida Loca 74

11 That Time I Didn't Shower for Three Days 82

12 Tell Your Story 87

Part 3 It Must Have Been Love 97

13 They Lived Happily Ever After 99

14 For Better or For Worse 107

15 A Little Help from My Friends 117

Part 4 Mother May I? 123

16 Cowboy Ken 125

17 American Girl Games 132

18 Lincee Poppins 137

Part 5 Relationship Status 149

19 All the Single Ladies 151

20 Lessons Learned from The Bachelor 153

21 Would You Like to Date Batman? 159

22 This Might Not Be an Everlasting Love 166

23 A Scratch for Every Itch 170

24 Paging Dr. McDreamy 175

25 It Takes a Village 184

26 I Feel the Need. The Need for Speed Dating 191

Reflections 201

Acknowledgments 203