Table of Contents
Acknowledgments 15
Introduction: How to Get Now What You Had Back Then 15
Secret #1 Acts of Love Create an Unbreakable Bond 19
If you want to change your spouse, try changing yourself first.
Secret #2 Outside Forces Have Shaped Your Relationship (without Your Permission) 33
Three societal factors that greatly impact how you think, feel, and relate to your spouse.
Secret #3 Preconceived Notions Matter 49
What your mom and dad did influences you far more than you know.
Bonus Section: Be Your Own Counselor 59
Secret #4 There's No Reason to Settle for Blah, Less-Than, or a Battlefield 63
The top four reasons couples feel disconnected … and what you can do about it.
Secret #5 Yup, Men and Women Are Different 75
Exploring your spouse's needs and bow you can best meet them.
Secret #6 Sex Is Important … but Not for the Reasons You Might Think 97
How this culminating act of intimacy reflects personal views and needs and impacts marital health.
Secret #7 To Love Your Spouse, You Have to Know Who You Married 107
Understand birth order and you can use it to your shared benefit.
Secret #8 Clashes Feel Less Personal When You Understand Your Partner's Personality 121
How personality types influence the way each of you views life and your relationship.
Secret #9 To Truly Know Your Partner, You Have to Understand Their Life Mantra 135
The seven "I only count in life when …" lifestyles and how they influence your loved one's responses.
Bonus Section: Want to Better Understand Your Spouse? 165
Try these revealing questions for date nights and couples' getaways.
Secret #10 Feelings Pull You Together; Judgments Push You Apart 169
The five things you need to know about feelings, getting behind your spouse's eyes, and how to be good and angry.
Bonus Section: How to Find a Professional Counselor 191
Secret #11 Marriage Isn't a One-on-One Competition; It's a Team Sport 193
How to identify negative moves in six power games and turn them into positive plays.
Secret #12 For Your Spouse to Truly Hear You, You Have to Talk in a Way That Encourages Them to Listen 213
Why miscommunication happens, and bow you can cure it before it causes trouble.
Bonus Section: 3-1-1 Couple Workout 241
Improve listening skills and work out relational kinks with no fighting.
Secret #13 You Can Have the Marriage You Deserve 243
Seven ways to take your marriage off autopilot and make it the best it can be.
Conclusion: Your Intimate Connection Awaits 261
Experience the mutual satisfaction and excitement of two truly becoming one.
The "I Promise" Challenge 265
Notes 267
About Dr. Kevin Leman 269
Resources Dr. Kevin Leman 271
